embrasse moi
by Morghen
Summary: Five kisses shared between James Potter and Rabastan Lestrange. 1st ever James/Rabastan fic! M&MWP! Please mention if used. Finished!
1. kiss one

_~(kiss one)~_

**I know that words aren't enough  
But you're better than this**

Oh, what would your family say if they knew? If they knew your feelings… But, truthfully, they're the last thing on your mind right now as you go into that changing room occupied by the person (_wizard_) whom you just can't seem to get out of your mind lately.

Your stomach fills up to the brim with a mixture of butterflies and hesitance as your eyes meet his breathtaking hazel ones. You spit out some flattering words ("_You played really great today – amazing, actually._") because it's common knowledge that James Potter loves his ego stroked more than anything.

Confusion crosses your face when you see he doesn't seem as victorious as he should – as he usually does after a well-played Quidditch match. Uninvited, you make your way from the door to the bench where he's sitting – your hand lightly brushing against his back is enough to turn your pink cheeks to a shade of red darker than your locks.

"What's wrong?" you question. You don't have to be his friend to know that he's acting out of the ordinary, but you realize you probably _do_ have to be his friend to earn a reply. Kicking yourself for trying to get personal with him before you even introduce yourself (though he already knows who you are, more than likely, thanks to your older brother's recent wedding), you move to leave.

"Rabastan, right?"

You sit back down as the butterflies soar from your stomach up to your mouth at the sound of his voice saying your name. You just nod, suddenly feeling as though the one-year age gap between you two is a hell of a lot bigger. You grimace at the way he makes you feel like a mere child, like a insignificant little boy.

His tawny eyes rake over you and you can feel your cheeks turn hot. "You're blushing," he comments with a laugh and a melt-worthy grin, which only turns your face even redder.

"You never answered my question," you state, trying to regain your composure.

His grin quickly disappears from his handsome face as what was bothering him previously returns to his mind. James shrugs his shoulders and sighs, making you wish you wouldn't have brought the question back up. "It's just Lily…"

You wrinkle your nose at the familiar name – you know her all too well. The object of James' affection. The Mudblood… "She doesn't really deserve you" slips from your mouth, the words coated thickly with jealousy. "You could have anyone, you know?" It's true, though, and you know it – everyone knows it. Everyone whispers about how that lion is just wasting his time – that there are so many more witches (and wizards, mind you) who would happily treat him like he deserves.

And again, he just shrugs his shoulders as if he couldn't care less that he could have anyone because he only wants her. "I – well, moving on is easier said than done," he answers simply.

Gryffindors are known for their courage and risk-taking, but that doesn't mean the traits don't exist inside some Slytherins. You take a deep breath and hope to Merlin that he doesn't react badly (after all, Quidditch does keep those muscles toned…). Wincing, you slide just a hair closer to him. When his cinnamon eyes lock with your deep blue ones, you can feel your heart thudding against your chest and you feel as if you can't breathe. "Have – have you ever tried to? Move on, I mean…" Your voice is shaky and low and all you can think about is how his lips would feel pressed against yours, how those hands would feel running along your body…

When he's the one to make the first move, something like relief washes its waves over you. You can feel his warm breath on your cheeks as he leans slowly closer to you. And when his lips finally meet yours, you feel as if you're in Heaven. Nothing matters at this moment – nothing. You cast aside your differences as you bring each other closer together. Your hand running through his dark hair, his tongue exploring your mouth. There's nowhere you would rather be right now and there will be nothing you'll regret more someday.

* * *

**This is the first of five kisses shared between James and Rabastan. Each kiss will be a new chapter so there will obviously be five chapters.**

**This is the first ever Rabastan/James fic and is part of Mew and Mor's Weird Pairings. Please give a mention if used. For more pairings, check out the forum link on my profile.**

**The lyrics at the beginning belong to the band Mayday Parade. **

**Thanks mew for the prompts, betaing, and suggesting the pairing. **

**:)  
**


	2. kiss two

_~(kiss two)~_

**You're scared of what this really is**  
** and where this might lead us next**

With a sigh of relief, you leave your last class of the day. Despite the intimate moment shared between you two a few days previously, James hasn't spoken to you after that. No smiles, no nods, no slight gesture that showed he even knows you at all. You expected it, though (don't fool yourself), but it still hurts.

After making your way through the maze of students, you leave the castle thanks to a sudden craving to be alone. It's not as though you have many friends, but you know it's better that way (just like your elder brother did). Most people don't want to associate with the kind of future you have in store.

A light tap on your shoulder brings you away from your dark thoughts and that smile makes you weak in the knees (thankfully you were sitting down 'cause you would've fallen over). His smile vanishes as quickly as it appeared and you can tell that he's uncomfortable, which gives you an aching feeling in your stomach.

"You can sit down," you offer, your eyes looking anywhere but at his face because you know how easily you turn red in his company.

Without a reply, he sits down on the grass beside you. With neither of you speaking, all you can hear is the pounding of your heart (which makes you wonder if he, too, can hear it). He clears his throat after a few minutes slowly passed and you can feel his eyes on you. "The other day – it was a mistake." James runs his hand through his dark locks as he tries to find the right words to say – the right words with which he can break your heart. "It was nothing, right?"

Nothing. How could he possibly say it was nothing? Didn't he feel that spark that soared through your body? You swallow the questions as a lump forms in your throat. The only words you can muster are "It doesn't have to be nothing."

You turn to him and your eyes meet, just like last time (cinnamon and sapphire).You just want him kiss you like the time before, but instead he shakes his head solemnly and looks away.

You push aside your Slytherin pride for once because maybe it wouldn't be _that_ bad to open up to someone – to tell him your feelings and your secrets. The thought of being vulnerable is almost as bad to you as the thought of him walking away right now and never speaking to you again. Almost, but not quite. "I like you." The words are so plain and overused (you've never been good with words), but they're the only ones you can think of to say to him. "And you must not feel too differently… You were the one who kissed me, after all."

Your words hang heavily in the air between the two of you and you just wish he would say something – anything (good or bad, just to break the thick silence). But he doesn't. He doesn't even raise his eyes from his feet to look at you or acknowledge what you've said. This pushes you from being ready to spill your heart out to being sheepish and foolish. How could you have ever thought for a minute that he would have feelings for a Slytherin – for you? "Just forget it," you mumble as you rise to your feet and leave.

Every footstep of his echoes loudly in your ears as he trails behind you, but you don't look back – you can't.

It's when he tugs on your arm that you spin around, sending your lips crashing into his. With a hand on your back, he brings you closer, but you pull away. Dumbstruck and your stomach practically swarmed by butterflies and a warm feeling, all you can do is look at him.

"Nothing official."

You nod in agreement as he leans back in to reclaim your lips.

* * *

**The lyrics at the beginning belong to the band Dance Gavin Dance's song "__********Burning Down The Nicotine Armoire**"****

**Kiss two! I never really cared one way or another for Rabastan, but I'm growing kinda fond of him. He's a neat character, I think. (Not as amazingly awesome as Regulus, though!)**

**:P**

**Thanks mew for betaing!**


	3. kiss three

_~(kiss three)~_

**You are everything I want  
'cause you are everything I'm not**

A smile spreads across your face as you feel your hand in his. You carefully turn onto your side, trying not to wake him, and your blue eyes fall on his sleeping face. His cheeks are still pink from exhaustion from the activities that you two engaged in earlier.

When your brother told you about the Room of Requirements, he didn't expect you to use it as you have been. It's the only place the pair of you can escape to without anyone finding out (you are his little secret – the only thing he keeps from those friends of his.) And it has to be this way – you know that (Slytherin and Gryffindor? Wizard and wizard? No one would understand). Quite frankly, you don't understand it either, but you've long since stopped trying to fight the attraction you feel to him.

You've always been fascinated by him, from his first day at Hogwarts. You used to pass it off as just brotherly feelings (you've always wanted a younger brother), but that was wrong. It was only in your sixth-year that you realized that your attraction was far from brotherly and that was what triggered you to approach him shortly afterwards.

The answer behind your feelings was always obvious to you once you came to terms with them. James Potter is all the things you wish you could be, but know you were never destined to be (Gryffindor, on the right side, courageous, well-liked, e v e r y t h i n g). He's everything you know you'll never find in any of your "type" (in the witch your parents chose for you).

You let go of his hand and turn onto your stomach, your face looking in the direction opposite of him. This feeling always suddenly overtakes you once you've made love and he's fallen asleep – a feeling of complete loneliness (because you know better than to think this will last forever). It makes you feel as if there's a million miles separating you (good/ / /bad – dark/ / /light) despite the fact that he lies mere inches away from you.

A shiver runs through you as he, awake now, lightly trails a single finger down the length of your spine (back and forth). Regardless of the unhappiness that's filled you, your lips twist upwards into a smile.

You want to ask him the same question that eats at you every night you spend with him. You're afraid of the answer, though, because you have a feeling that it's not what you want to hear. It'll have to come up sooner or later and you've been putting it off for so long… (Will you still want me if I become _one of them_?")

He moves his hand underneath your bare stomach, hooking his arm around you, and pulls you closer to him. His breath moves your auburn hair as he exhales, tickling your neck. You've always had this feeling that he can sense when something is bothering you. Every time your mind drifts off to those dark thoughts, he brings you closer to him – as if to protect you (as if he's your lion that'll guard you from the evil that haunts you). This causes you to question why he even bothers with you (why he's ever bothered with you). He tells you, when you've asked this before, that there's just something different about you, something he likes (and other times, he tells you it's 'cause you blush like a little schoolgirl when he's around).

You know you don't deserve him – that he deserves someone much better than you'll ever be (than you could ever be). But you won't let him go until you have to (which will be sooner than you wish), even if it would be for the better. Slytherins do have a knack for taking things that don't belong to them…

"Rab?"

His voice clears your mind of these thoughts and you turn over to face him. You're greeted with his half smile and a peck on the lips. He leans his forehead against your own and looks into your cerulean eyes, but he doesn't say anything. After a moment of him studying you, "don't be so sad all the time" comes from his lips and you can hear the concern in his voice.

You force a smile as he kisses you again. If only it was a simple as he made it seem. But _nothing's_ simple for you... If it were, then you wouldn't have let this start, you wouldn't have let it continue for months, and you wouldn't have let the emotion in his eyes morph from like to lust to something quite possibly more terrifying and _real_ than it should be. So a new question seizes you, and you hope he can't read it in your tension:

What if you stopped drawing lines between you two and c h a n g e d?

* * *

**The lyrics at the beginning belong to the band Taking Back Sunday's song "_MakeDamnSure_." They're one of my favorite bands and are definitely something to check out if you're into alternative music.**

**:)**

**Even though I've always been a big fan of JamesLily, I'm becoming quite fond of this pairing. I might have to write some more stuff for them after this fic is done.**

**:')**

**OMM, mew, I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough! Thanks sooo much for betaing and helping me with the ending. **

***huggles***


	4. kiss four

_~(kiss four)~_

**I gave up all I had for  
something that never brought me any comfort**

You lean against the cold stone wall on the seventh floor for the last time (you finally graduate tomorrow). You've asked him to meet you here like so many times before, but you know this time will be different and that leaves your stomach in a knot. It would be so much easier for you just to leave before he arrives, but you won't – you owe him the truth. It's the least you can give him after all he's given you (his time, his friendship, _his love_).

Your eyes move to the end of the corridor where a familiar face appears and you just wish that he wasn't smiling, that you didn't have to do this (and even that you had never started this in the first place).

He pulls you into the room and pushes you against the wall, pinning you there with his hands on either side of you. His face shows his hunger for love as he kisses you roughly, first your lips and then trailing across your cheekbone to your neck. Fighting off the desire to let him have you and then just talk later, you steady your voice as well as you can and choke out, "I – I have to tell you something…"

"Can't it wait?" He bites his lower lip and smiles as he leans forward to reclaim your lips.

You move your face sideward and his lips collide with your cheek. "No." He gives you a strange look but complies. You duck underneath his arm and take a few steps from him – you don't really know if you could say this to his face. But he follows you and reaches out, taking hold of your wrist. "I've been recruited…by You-Know-Who."

You breathe in deeply and slowly turn around to look at him. His face is blank, his lips pursed, his heart trembling. "Please say something," you whisper, your voice choked.

His fingers close around your wrist tightly as the realization of your words hit him. "You don't have to…"

If only it were that easy (just saying "no" to the Dark Lord). It comes with a price, a price you're not quite willing to pay. You realized a long time ago that your life would never be _that easy _or _that simple_ – not when it's already planned out for you (and James never really belonged in those plans). "I do – I don't have a choice."

You can see confusion flicker across his handsome face because he doesn't know what it's like – he doesn't understand what your blood-ties mean for you. All he knows is that fighting for the right side is the only option, no matter what. And all he says is "Why?" because he wants to understand, because he wants to save you, because he won't let you go _Dark _without a fight.

"If I refuse him, my brother will be in danger…maybe even my parents, too…"

"But Andromeda…"

"Was never recruited," you finish for him. You look at him somberly because you know even James Potter won't be able to find a loophole in this terrible (_deadly_) mess. You unwrap his fingers from your wrist and move to sit down, a sick feeling running through you.

"Your brother is just a Death Eater… He isn't worth it…"

You look up at him standing a few feet away and just shake your head. His words do not upset you because, to James, you know all Rodolphus is _is just a Death Eater_. "It doesn't make him any less of a brother, though."

He just stands there, a pained look upon his face as he looks down on you but not saying anything else (maybe he's realized there's nothing he can do to change your mind). You feel as you did back when he said that the kiss you two shared was nothing and it kills you inside (the sadness, the thought of him leaving). Because all that you know right now is that, despite your new title, you would still be with him if that's what he wants (but you would also leave if that's what he wants).

You bring your eyes up to meet his and you can tell he knows what's on your mind (he always seems to know). You cover your face with a hand as you bow your head (the disappointment in his eyes is just too much for you to bear). With a deep breath in and a feeling of dread filling your stomach, you finally ask the question that's been haunting you: "Do you still want me?"

He kneels down in front of you and tilts your chin up, kissing away the single tear that escaped. His hand cups your cheek and your eyes meet once again. Without a word, he lightly presses his lips against yours and you understand all too well. He rises to his feet and leaves (along with your heart).

* * *

**The lyrics at the beginning are from Scary Kids Scaring Kids' song "_Empty Glasses_."**

***le sigh* I'm sad that there's only one more chapter left to this story. **

**:'(**

**Thanks mew for betaing!**


	5. kiss five

_~(kiss five)~_

**Some things I'd change but it's too late  
I'd take the past and make it straight**

A cold wave washes over you as you push the iron gate open and take a step inside – inside the place you've been dreading and longing to visit for the past week. You know better than to be here, but it's not as if you have much to lose – you lost what really mattered to you some years ago. At the thought of that day, you grimace and your hand involuntarily moves to touch the red (Gryffindor) scarf wrapped around your neck.

You don't know why you're even here. It's not as though he didn't move on – he married that Mudblood after all, right? It's not as though he ever cared that your feelings never went away, right…? You've always questioned because, despite the numerous times you've seen one another on opposite sides of the war, never once had a spell fired from his wand hit you (and you know better than to think his aim was always just off). Or maybe it was the way, when your eyes met, that he would instantly shudder (as if he felt the same shock soar through his body as you did through yours).

You finally find the place for which you are looking and immediately drop to your knees as the sadness that takes over you is more than you can bear. Your eyes can hardly make out the carved letters because of the freely flowing tears clouding them. You press one hand against the smooth stone while the other tightly clutches his scarf. You just lean your forehead against the stone and cry like you've never done before (the tears you've held back for so long release themselves). All of the memories that the two of you shared race through your mind and you would give anything to be able to go back to those moments and tell him all the words you left unspoken, tell him how much he really means to you. But it's too late and you're not so sure it could have changed anything about how the future played out anyway.

When you had first heard about the Dark Lord's fall, a tiny bit of hope formed in you because you had believed that you might be able to see James again. But all good things in life come with a price and that hope of yours was extinguished the second you discovered he died paying it.

He is dead. Even though you've heard it a million times and have repeated it to yourself even more, it just doesn't feel real. You can't wrap your mind around how someone so strong, so full of life, could vanish at the flick of a wrist (screw Flitwick's bloody "swish and flick"). And it kills you to think that you never attempted to protect him like he'd done for you (but really, how could a snake defend a lion?).

So many things died that night along with him. Your heart, your hope, everything and anything good that had still existed in you – all are buried underneath the ground on which you're kneeling. You feel so empty – a shell of your former self – as if a Dementor had kissed you that Halloween night. And you know better than to think you'll ever be the same.

You lean towards the gravestone and press your lips against the carved letters of his name.

"I love you" comes from your lips a little too late (if only you had been able to tell him that when he was there with you).

* * *

**The lyrics at the beginning are from Death Cab for Cutie's song "_Start Again_."**

**Eep, I really wanted everything to work out between them, but it just didn't happen that way. **

**:L  
**

**Hm, it's so bittersweet to finish a multichapter fic. I'll definitely miss writing chapters for this, but I'll write more for them in the future. I can't believe how fond I became of this pairing, aha.**

**Thanks mew for betaing!**


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